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Source: 123rf Stock Photo\/Standard License<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:<\/p>\n
1. They tell\u00a0blatant lies.<\/strong><\/p>\n You know it’s an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they’re setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you’re not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.<\/p>\n 2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality\u2014maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.<\/p>\n 3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your\u00a0identity<\/a>\u00a0is to you. So those may\u00a0be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had\u00a0those children. They will tell you’d be a worthy person if only you didn’t have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.<\/p>\n 4. They wear you down over time.<\/strong><\/p>\n This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting\u2014it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often…and then it starts ramping up.\u00a0Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting\u2014it is that effective. It’s the “frog in the frying pan” analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what’s happening to\u00a0it.<\/p>\n 5. Their actions do not match their words.<\/strong><\/p>\n When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying.\u00a0<\/em>What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.<\/p>\n 6.\u00a0They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n This person or entity that is\u00a0cutting<\/a>\u00a0you down, telling you that you don’t have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, “Well maybe they aren’t so bad.” Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter\u2014and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it\u00a0is probably something that served the gaslighter.<\/p>\n 7. They know confusion weakens people.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans’ natural tendency is to\u00a0look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable\u2014and that happens to be the gaslighter.<\/p>\n 8. They project.<\/strong><\/p>\n They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter’s own behavior.<\/p>\n 9. They try to align people against you.<\/strong><\/p>\n Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what\u2014and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, “This person\u00a0knows that you’re not right,” or “This person knows you’re useless too.” Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A\u00a0gaslighter is a constant\u00a0liar<\/a>. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it\u00a0makes you feel like you don’t know who to trust or turn to\u2014and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that’s exactly what they\u00a0want: Isolation gives them more control.<\/p>\n 10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.<\/strong><\/p>\n This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it’s dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity,\u00a0people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It’s a master technique.<\/p>\n 11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.<\/strong><\/p>\n By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You’ve never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It’s a manipulation technique. It makes people turn\u00a0to the gaslighter for the “correct” information\u2014which isn’t correct information at all.<\/p>\n The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker\u00a0you can identify them and avoid falling\u00a0into the gaslighter’s trap.<\/p>\n![\"StockLite\/Shutterstock\"](\"http:\/\/cdn.psychologytoday.com\/sites\/default\/files\/styles\/article-inline-half\/public\/field_blog_entry_images\/shutterstock_549222766%281%29.jpg?itok=kd--Qfrg\" "\\"StockLite\/Shutterstock\\"")
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